Den Mother

by Bloodbaths

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07:13
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04:50
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about

written & recorded between May, 2013-February, 2016

credits

released April 20, 2016

recorded, mixed, and mastered by Bloodbaths

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about

Bloodbaths Akron, Ohio

Sad melodies.
pathetic words.

Ohio.

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Track Name: Orgins
I am scared to death that heaven is a real place
and I will never get there
because of my disbelief
and my constant, hopeless
behavioral patterns
Track Name: The Den Mother
there's a cut on my forehead
it wasn't there when I went to to sleep
there's a cut on my forehead
but it makes me feel safe (there's still blood on my face)

I never knew that I could hurt this much
I never knew that I could hurt this much
until you buried me slowly
and left me
alone to face myself

you put your hand on the counter
and told me not to drink so much
we stepped out on your splintered porch
I don't think your parents were home

all the grass withers
just like everything else
sometimes I do the same
there's still blood on my face

It's hard to smile
when you feel like shit
I try to sleep
but it's hard
when it's just me
Track Name: Gautama Golden Buddha Dream
I don't feel good anymore
I don't wanna play pretend
I don't wanna stay in school
and I don't want to be here with you anymore

I don't feel good anymore
I don't want to go outside
I hate my fucking car
I miss my fucking life

I don't want to be in here
and I don't want to go out there

I don't miss you like I thought I would
and I don't want to grow old with you anymore
Track Name: Maybe I'm Just Tired, Maybe I'm Just Scared
Nothing feels okay anymore
maybe I'm just tired
I don't want to live in my head
forever
Is it okay if I step out and look outside?
I promise that wont look to much into my mind
don't go
look out your window
tell me what you see
I know that I'm not everything that you thought I'd be
I won't run away when things get colder
but I may get quiet and far away
maybe I'm just tired

I'm sorry that I made it seem
like I wasn't gonna leave
but now that I'm dead and gone
forget about me
a year goes by
a century
I'll fall in love and out of touch
with the people I know
and
the place that I've held so familiar
now wash
into a mass of crushed bones
and barren darkness
maybe I'm just tired
maybe I'm just scared
maybe I'm tired
but you're not there
Track Name: A Tree, It's Growing
there are 7 billion people in the world
and I am not one of them
I am a ghost
I am nothing
I am the scratch on the roof of your mouth that keeps you wide awake
but you will sleep
and you'll feel better in the morning
and I'll feel better when I feel better
but until then I just think that I will
not let on to this pain that I'm feeling
in my body and
in my head
the distance is subtle
but the feelings thereafter
are harsh and
they are twisted
there's a tree that's growing in my backyard
but I never see it
cause I'm never home
and I always avoid you
cause I don't want you to know
that I am living in constant shame
Track Name: Grass Stain
there's a glass shard
in my left arm
there's a grass stain on my knee
that I got from falling in the yard
there's a memory of an open casket
in the dead of May
and there's a piece of this that
haunts me
even when I close my eyes to sleep

I wish I knew your brother and
I wish that I knew Pat
and I wish I knew my grandfather
in the way that my mom did
I'm trying to make sense of all these
unexpected deaths
but all I have is empty words
and confusion in my head

part of me hopes that I will never be able to relate to you
and the other half hopes that one day
I will be able to understand what you find your refuge in
death has not scarred me in the same way that it makes you suffer
but a part of me dies
when I see that painful glaze
covering your eyes

I don't think I cry
half as much as I think I should
but then again
I'm not sober
half as much as I would like to be
Track Name: Shines Through
remember
everything in order
relationship in comatose
the tangled web is overgrown

recover you
recover me
and the pain stains everything
sometimes the dark shines through

memories of every summer
in that house
everything changed
memories of brand new summers
in brand new places
everything changed

I see a darkness
inside of the sun
I feel a likeness
too often with everyone